Hey guys!
Wow, its the 2week benchmark...one of those where you cant work out whether time has gone mega fast or slow, a pretty intense 14days but so amazing in ways that I couldnt ever explain fully.  When i decided to come to india a large part of it was escapism from being unsatisfied with my life in bristol...more then anything I think to escape my own head(!).  I wanted to go to India to find the cure- Haha...the age ol' quest to find yourself in India.  What is astonishing and highly unexpected is that I actually seem to be doing just that.  Jen- Im having a good old giggle to myself about that mural in the restaurant in Padangbai Indonesia ''you will not find the meaning of life whilst travelling'', hahaha! Legends.  This journeys plans are already changed massively, and as a control freak and a mega Capricorn that is progress in itself =P
Goa is beautiful, and Goa is full of points of view.  Its India whether it believes it or not and its full of extremes- extreme poverty, disabled people/elderly/kids begging...their only interaction with westerners being askign for money with muddy sad faces and miming hungry signals.  A universal language that is the same in any country.  And more hippies then you could swing a dreadlock at! Guys, Im talking Primal Screaming workshops, finding your inner shamon, 'Love yoga'....questionable.  Its hilarious.  Buying kilos and kilos of hippie gear (and i count myself in this description!) and eating samosas and pizza in this strange east-meet-west unharmonious clash of cultures.  Its vibrant ill give you that, and it gets people really talking about the meaning of everything...whether we have more to gain from indian culture then we would happily let on, and i suppose vice versa.  Im learning a happy balance between trying my hardest to suppress my western guilt and finding ways of giving I feel more comfortable with, like giving half of my food away or sharing my water...or just being silly and going rockpooling with a gaggle of little naked indian kiddies, with their kohl-ed eyes and hindi waist belts swinging away bringing them good luck as they play.  Ive started funny little relationships, like giving half my apple every day to the same little begger girl that sits right next to the fruit stand...she must be around the same age as freya and has never been to school just.like.her....that always makes me smile, what a funny ol'world i have grown up in(!) that we have the opportunity to go to school but choose not to.  As much as I am pro-homeschooling it does make me cringe a little to think of how many more possibilities these little'uns would have with a better education.  I met a girl called Premadona(what a name!) on the beach selling sarongs to tourists- she is 17 and being forced unhappily into a marriage with a 67yr old man because she is from a low caste and has never been to school...her parents cant afford a good dowry so its her only obvious option.
Ive moved rooms now 3 times in Arambol, now away from the beach a little and into a cheaper room (200rp a day).  My intentions of travelling to Hampi and then volunteering at Sadhana have been superseded by my taking part in more courses and being more involved in the community at the Balanced View centre here.  I was really really up for going to these places and still fully intend to in the future, but the sacrifice doesnt even begin to compare to how much stability and enjoyment I am gaining here.  Im finding my inner calm and couldnt recommend it more (www.balancedview.com - a bit of shameless promotion but thats the last of it i swear).  So yeh, my days revolve around yummy meals, trainings, open meetings, sunset hula jams in the drumming circles on the beach...and lots of lovely people in between.  The last 3 days Ive been doing a 3 day intensive training at the centre which is pretty much 7hours a day as well as coming early to open meetings to help out within the community. Im gaining so much from the whole process and loving being part of the community and the fact that there are so many Bristolians here (random!) makes me so much more grounded to my home city and really looking forward to my return and new beginnings- so many lifelong friends being made, with such amazing talents and skills and laughs!  Makes me miss you all and appreciate you all even more!  What a motley crew you all are =)  Love you all so much...
So bex is finding her inner optimist and her inner contentment finally.  Its been a long time coming and happening so simply in a situation I never dreamed I would be part of.  Isnt life a funny ol'thing?!
Lots of plans a brewing to visit new found friends around europe in the near future, and a real pull to start dreaming up new ways to make my money- I wonder if selling flapjack could pay the rent? (joking, joking....kinda).  Im also really considering getting Offsted registered so as to be able to childmind properly (means that the family can get the money available to them for childcare from the gov, which in turn means im more likely to get a yoghurt-weaver sorta family!), pretty expensive process but should be pretty fulfilling in the long run.  Also really looking forward to my massage course starting in March, and hopefully all the doors that will open.
So yeh~ So much excitement and so much enthusiasm at the possibilities we all have...dont get me wrong-im still feeling lonely..overwhelmed....tired, but learning slowly that I am fine with all that.  Feeling strong!
Lots and lots of love to you all,
Bexi xxx